We use our group to look after the individual, especially but not limited to the single people. We look after each other and that's not something that necessarily happens when people live more separately. We've designed our lives in a way that we could do that.
You don't have to be in a particular form of a relationship to have an experience that's filled with intimacy or to have intimate relationships. You can have intimacy from whatever your place in life is. It's available to you and, in our experience, most available in the context of a loving community. -- Cindy
The intimacy in my life was unexpectedly increased recently when my 77-year-old husband broke his elbow in 3 places. He was completely immobilized in a position where he could not even lift a glass of water. At first, he depended on me 24 hours a day for everything.
There were many moments of extreme appreciation for each other during this time. I realized Joe would not always be there for me; he appreciated how willing I was to take care of him. The simplest acts of everyday life, like giving him a drink of water, were opportunities to love.
There were also times when I was stressed out and overwhelmed to the point of snapping angrily or crying. Couldn't I have my morning coffee before tending to him?
Our struggles were opportunities for us to get to know each other better and others also, as we talk frequently to people in the group about our lives. My husband was vulnerable, struggling with issues of mortality and physical inability to take care of himself or be productive. At 62, I was now facing taking care of a rapidly aging husband. Wasn't life supposed to get easier now? Who would take care of me?
As time went on, I realized I could not do everything myself. We reached out to the group for help and found we developed a much more intimate relationship with many people. Although people had offered to help from the beginning, it was not easy for me to accept. As for asking, what if they said no? A good friend finally said "You're so busy rejecting yourself you won't give us a chance!" So I began to ask.
People were happy to contribute different things. Some brought Joe snacks or drinks. Some spent time with him. One person was even willing to empty the bedpan!
I was now able to go out and have time to do other things. Joe and I got to experience the love people had for us. There were still stressful times during Joe's recuperation period, but the intimacy and love had increased dramatically - not just between us but with lots of people in our group with whom we wouldn't have otherwise have shared so much.