Arlene Goens
I was 67 when I moved into Lafayette Morehouse. I’m 79 now. My daughter Diana had lived there for over 35 years, and my granddaughter Sugar, 9 at the time, was born there. My original goal in moving from Indiana where I owned my own home was to find a low-cost apartment and live near the children. Because low-cost housing is basically non-existent in the area, as a last resort I asked if I could join the Morehouse community. I had visited my daughter here for short periods over the years, but no one really knew me, nor I them.
The life I left behind in Indiana could not have been more different. I was a leader in a close-knit ultraconservative Christian church where I was involved in all activities and I had close relationships with many people as friend and counselor. I was often asked for advice in church and interpersonal relationships. I had lived alone in my own house for over twenty years.
I was shocked to observe what by my standards was parenting that was beyond permissive. What Sugar wanted, Sugar got. No argument, no exceptions. Example: Sugar’s grandfather came to visit, and the four of us went out to eat. After Sugar (then 10) decided that none of the five places we chose were where she wanted to go, we ended up going home and she and Diana fixed their own meal. I was sure she would grow up to become the most selfish, self-centered person ever. I eventually was able to come to terms with the fact that this method was Diana’s choice.
Diana and Sugar enjoyed (and still do) an extraordinarily close relationship of which I was not a part. My initial response was to feel sorry for myself while at the same time acknowledging that realistically this was bound to be so for whatever period of time. Gradually, Diana and Sugar and I also began to communicate some of our feelings. I expressed my sense of isolation, and we began to do more things together.
Today, Sugar, now 21, has become a thoughtful, caring, charming young lady, responsible and willing to take responsibility in every way. She has chosen this way of life as an adult and plans to stay in the group for now. The three of us (affectionately dubbed “the Goens Girls” by the community) have fun going out together or sharing whatever we choose to do, enjoying a mutually loving, caring, delightful relationship. For the first time in my life, I am truly happy.
