Bill and I met in Morehouse, fell in love, got married and had a son. We had a lot of very happy times, but we had rough ones too. With the help of our friends we navigated the shoals pretty well whenever things got rocky between us but after ten years, we realized that being married to each other really didn't suit us. When people in our community realized that our relationship was in trouble, they came to our support. For example, one couple whom we loved and respected met with us for an hour or two every day for about six weeks to help facilitate our communication. Their goal was not to persuade us to either divorce or to stick together, but rather to make sure we made decisions about our future not out of anger but rather with love and compassion for ourselves and each other. We had seen other couples in our community divorce and continue to care for one another and that really helped us to see that we could end our union yet still keep all the parts of our relationship that we enjoyed and valued. Bill and I both felt strongly that we wanted to remain friends, continue to live in the community, and raise our son in a loving environment. Together we looked to how to make this situation as good as possible for us and for our young son, Ben.
With this level of support we got from our friends, Bill and I were able to end the marriage without bitterness and acrimony, but rather with keeping the best parts of our friendship. There were adjustments we had to make and they weren't always easy or comfortable but neither of us had to leave "home" to have things be the way we wanted. Our friends were able to go on being friends with us both and didn’t have to join my camp or Bill’s camp. There were no camps to join! There was no custody battle, no attempt to make Ben choose between us. He was able to grow up with total access to both of us without ever having to doubt our love of him or each other. We talked with Ben about how we were sad about divorcing but that the fundamental relationship between the three of us had been and would continue always to be, love. Bill and I continued our partnership parenting together.
Now, almost 30 years later, Bill and I both continue to live in the community with other partners that we are deeply committed to. Ben is grown and has a family of his own and Bill and I both get to freely enjoy our grandchildren together and separately. So although Bill and I divorced many years ago, our “family” flourishes.